I recently spoke with local attorney Rebecca Sanford about her views pertaining to the consequences of domestic violence prosecution, sentencing and child custody. Ms. Sanford feels that domestic violence is taken less seriously when perpetrated by a female against a male than when perpetrated by a male against a female. She reported that she believes women are less likely to be prosecuted for domestic violence, get more lenient sentences for similar domestic violence situations and face an easier time with respect to child custody than do men in regards to domestic violence.

What we would add to her statement is that police in making out their reports sometimes ignore violence by the person they presume to be the victim (most often female) resulting in a one-sided police report going to the prosecutor.

Hopefully this article can lead to a greater community dialogue on the issues, problems and intricacies of family violence and lead to better understandings and practices.

Sanford Braver’s book Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths chronicles how fathers can be as author and therapist Serge Prengel puts it "systematically removed from the family." But one doesn’t have to look to national figures or researchers to see it, there is plenty happening in the normal ebb and flow of life.

I was a volunteer at the LOFT teen center in Benton Harbor in the early to mid years of this decade and I remember special programs for teen mothers – programs meant to help them be knowledgeable and loving parents - but I don’t remember anything happening to try to involve the fathers.

Who could forget the media frenzy when then Vice President Dan Quayle made a statement about Murphy Brown mocking fatherhood?

A new father not living with his child’s mother when it is born frequently faces obstacles from the mother in obtaining parenting time. This is not necessarily the case but usually they are not getting along if they are not living together – and if the father petitions the court for parenting time he needs to bring an experienced child caretaker along to assure the court that the child will not be in the hands of an incompetent inexperienced and clumsy bumbler – although the mother may have not had any more experience with children than he at the time the child was born.

A father came into our group last fall that had such an experience. He was in his thirties and was a successful program manager for an area manufacturing company when his engagement with his fiancée was broken off. Their child was born and he reports if not for the presence of his mother at court hearings he would probably not have been given parenting time with his child.

If a father who is a successful professional with a number of years experience in industry is not capable of getting parenting time with an infant by himself how much more difficult is it for a younger father? Of particular need is the teen father who has no particular adult even interested in taking responsibility for his discipline and behavior.

I was watching the News Hour on PBS the evening of January 20, 1998 when David Gergen interviewed Geoffrey Canada about his work with teen boys in the New York City area. Mr. Canada is the author of Fist Stick Knife Gun: A Personal History of Violence in America and was the recipient of the first Heinz Award in 1994 for his work as President/CEO of Rheedlen Centers for Children and Families in New York City. One of the points Mr. Canada made was that if he can get the father involved with the child in the first three months of the child’s life the father tends to stay involved with the child in both emotional and financially supportive ways. However, if the father does not become involved in the first three months he generally does not become involved later.

The irony and futility of our present system is that it tends to make it difficult for unmarried fathers to get involved in the first three months of their child’s life and then condemns them for not being involved later. We have to acknowledge that not every parent of a newborn should be involved in the child’s life, but the barriers fathers face in this situation are certainly harmful to the father-child relationship and therefore also harmful to our society.

If you have been reading Kathleen Parker’s syndicated column recently you may remember the figures she cited about a father’s access rights to his child and the link to child support payments. Fathers with joint custody paid at a rate of about 90% of the total due, fathers with visitation privileges paid at a rate of about 80%, and fathers without joint custody or visitation privileges paid at a rate of about 45%.

The greatest irony off all may be the allocation of resources for collecting child support. Billions of federal dollars and greatly expanded tools and bureaucracies have been allocated in recent years for the enforcement of child support orders, while a scant ten million dollars has been spent each of the past few years to protect the father child relationship in the form of access visitation enhancement.

It is a good time for a group advocating the post parental-separation importance of the father-child relationship. Researchers have begun to show the importance of the father-child relationship for the benefit of the child. States are adopting presumptive joint physical custody laws. Members of the political right AND left have acknowledged their agreement with Dan Quayle’s views on Murphy Brown. The ten million dollars that are spent each year for access/ visitation enhancement is ten million dollars more than was spent just three years ago. One can only say momentum is growing.

When we first got acquainted over a year ago it became obvious to us that fathers on that side of the state line faced greater and more serious obstacles to involvement with their children than we did. Hopefully the new program will work for fathers in Elkhart County. A year ago one father reported police called him a "kook" for expecting them to help in enforcing his visitation.

There are no exceptions for the non-custodial parent for cases where he has illness, loss of employment or any other financial catastrophe. He does however get an equal income tax deduction when he pays the past-due support.

Christopher Cox of California introduced the legislation.

Dutkowski also serves as President of the National Council of State Child Support Enforcement Administrators. There was an interesting interview with Wally printed in the February 1999 OCSE Child Support Report which can be seen on the Internet at:

http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/new/csr9902.htm

Beyond the influence on fathers, one would expect this to have an influence on the public at large as well, which is a positive for our group.

This Committee recommends that the terms ``custody and access'' no longer be used in the Divorce Act and instead that the meaning of both terms be incorporated and received in the new term ``shared parenting", which shall be taken to include all the meanings, rights, obligations, and common-law and statutory interpretations embodied previously in the terms ``custody and access". (page 27)

This Committee recommends that the Divorce Act be amended to repeal the definition of ``custody'' and to add a definition of ``shared parenting'' that reflects the meaning ascribed to that term by this Committee. (page 28)

This Committee recommends that the federal government work with the provinces and territories toward a corresponding change in the terminology in provincial/territorial family law. (page 28)

This Committee recommends that the common law ``tender years doctrine'' be rejected as a guide to decision making about parenting. (page 28)

This Committee recommends that both parents of a child receive information and records in respect of the child's development and social activities, such as school records, medical records and other relevant information. The obligation to provide such information should extend to schools, doctors, hospitals and others generating such information or records, as well as to both parents, unless ordered otherwise by a court. (page 28)

This Committee recommends that all parents seeking parenting orders, unless there is agreement between them on the terms of such an order, be required to participate in an education program to help them become aware of the post-separation reaction of parents and children, children's developmental needs at different ages, the benefits of co-operative parenting after divorce, parental rights and responsibilities, and the availability and benefits of mediation and other forms of dispute resolution, provided such programs are available. A certificate of attendance at such a post-separation education program would be required before the parents would be able to proceed with their application for a parenting order. Parents should not be required to attend sessions together (page 30).

This Committee recommends that divorcing parents be encouraged to develop, on their own or with the help of a trained mediator or through some form of alternative dispute resolution, a parenting plan setting out details about each parent's responsibilities for residence, care, decision making and financial security for the children, together with the dispute resolution process to be used by the parties. Parenting plans must also require the sharing between parents of health, educational and other information related to the child's development and social activities. All parenting orders should be in the form of parenting plans. (page 32)

This Committee recommends that the relationships of grandparents, siblings and other extended family members with children be recognized as significant and that provisions for maintaining and fostering such relationships, where they are in the best interests of those children, be included in parenting plans. (page 32)

This Committee recommends that the Minister of Justice seek to amend the Divorce Act to require that parties applying to a court for a parenting order must file a proposed parenting plan with the court. (page 32)

This Committee recommends that, as much as possible, provincial and territorial governments, law societies and court administrators work toward establishing a priority for shared parenting applications, above other family law matters in dispute. (page 64)

This Committee recommends that court orders respecting shared parenting be more detailed, readable and intelligible to police officers called upon to enforce them. (page 67)

This Committee recommends that provincial and territorial governments explore a variety of vehicles for increasing public awareness about the impact of divorce on children and, in particular, the aspects of parental conduct upon marriage breakdown that are most harmful to children, and implement such education programs as fully as possible. To the extent practicable, the Committee recommends that the federal government contribute to such efforts within its own jurisdiction, including the provision of funding. (page 68)

This Committee recommends that the federal government extend financial support to programs run by community groups for couples wanting to avoid separation and divorce or seeking to strengthen their marital relationship. (page 68)

This Committee recommends that the Divorce Act be amended to require (a) that a parent wishing to relocate with a child, where the distance would necessitate the modification of agreed or court-ordered parenting arrangements, seek judicial permission at least 90 days before the proposed move and (b) that the other parent be given notice at the same time. (page 70)

This Committee recommends that provinces and territories and the relevant professional associations develop accreditation criteria for family mediators and for social workers and psychologists involved in shared parenting assessments. (page 72)

This Committee recommends that federal, provincial and territorial governments work together to encourage the development of effective models for the early identification of high-conflict families seeking divorce. Such families should be streamed into a specialized, expedited process and offered services designed to improve outcomes for their children. (page 74)

This Committee recommends that professionals who meet with children experiencing parental separation recognize that a child's wish not to have contact with a parent could reveal a significant problem and should result in the immediate referral of the family for therapeutic intervention. (page 74)

This Committee recommends that the federal, provincial and territorial governments work together to ensure the availability of supervised parenting programs to serve Canadians in every part of Canada. (page 76)

This Committee recommends that the Divorce Act be amended to make explicit provision for the granting of supervised parenting orders where necessary to ensure continuing contact between a parent and a child in situations of transition, or where there is clear evidence that the child requires protection. (page 76)

The best thing about these recommendations is that they are at the federal level rather than one single province or territory considering them. The report, including the total summary of recommendations can be seen in full on the Internet at: