December
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
F
athers And Children TogetherParents working for equal rights involving children
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A message from the president
I have to apologize for remaining so quiet. I feel its high time to
acknowledge Tom Lange for his great newsletters, which have been both informational and
inspirational. Tom has continued to do a wonderful job getting out our newsletters even
though he himself has recently suffered a divorce and is working to establish himself as a
"caring father". Much thanks to Mary Williams for her "delicious"
apple desert (including ice cream) during our October meeting. (Those of you who
didn’t attend missed a real treat. I have to say that it has been rough getting our
attendance up. We have had some new people attending but I have to say that it is important
for as many of you to attend as possible, not just to learn, but to share your experiences
with those who are not as knowledgeable. Without the sharing of knowledge we as a group
lose our grip as to what is important to us all (OUR CHILDREN!) Also, don’t forget to
spread the word that there is help regarding information about divorce when children are
involved. People need to be educated even if only thinking about divorce. Our
members are the backbone of our group. We need you!!!!
FACT President Bill Neuendorf
December meeting to be held on the seventeenth
Our December meeting will be held Thursday, December 17, at 7:30 PM at
the Stevensville United Methodist Church located at 5506 Ridge Road in Stevensville.
Check us out on the web!!! It is: http://www.parrett.net/~fact/
Thanks to Dave Ursprung and Parrett Business Machines we are now on the Internet. Dave is our webmaster and Parrett Business Machines provided the web space.
The book in full - Divorced Dads: Shattering the myths
Following is a list of the research findings of Sanford Braver that
he discusses in his book Divorced Dads: Shattering the myths. An Internet page that
discusses the book is at http://pirc.la.asu.edu/divorceddads.htm.
The government underestimates the amount of child support that is paid because it polls custodial parents who tend to underestimate the amount of child support paid.
The government underestimates the amount of time non-custodial parents spend with their children because it polls custodial parents who tend to underestimate this also. Custodial parents to often interfere with the parenting time of non-custodial parents.
The standard of living for both parents drops after divorce and is roughly equal immediately after the divorce but he cites research that suggests that the standard of living is greater for mothers five years after the divorce. Some gender scholars have argued exactly the opposite of this (Lenore Weitzman, for example.)
Women are more likely to get the divorce settlement they want and feel they have greater influence over the settlement process than men due. This finding is in direct contrast with feminist organizations that have argued that women are disadvantaged in the divorce process because they don’t have the financial resources that men have to pay an attorney and that men are more aggressive bargainers.
Fathers have a more difficult time recovering emotionally from the divorce. Mothers tend to hold on to their anger about the relationship longer.
Women more frequently seek the divorce.
The two biggest factors in non-custodial parents being involved with their children was a custodial parent that desired and allowed the involvement or a non-custodial parent having joint legal custody which in Arizona gave the non-custodial parent more legal power to keep a relationship with the child.
The book is published by Tarcher Press, a division of Penguin Putnam books.
APA says there is no data to support PAS phenomenon
The Report of the American Psychological Association (APA) Presidential
Task Force on Violence and the Family says that there is no data to support the phenomenon
called parental alienation syndrome (this is on page 40.) It may seem redundant to bring
up the research of Sanford Braver but it is one of a number of sources of data that do
support the phenomenon. The Children’s Rights Council estimates that 5.6 million
children suffer from parental access interference.
For this reason and others, some in the fathers’ rights movement have been critical of the report. If you would like to get a copy of the report, a single complimentary copy (additional copies are $5.00 each) of the 156-page report can be obtained by writing to:
Violence and the Family
Public Interest Initiatives
American Psychological Association
750 First Street, NE
Washington, DC 20002-4242
The report can also be requested over the Internet at www.apa.org. A good Internet site on parental alienation is www.parentalalienation.org/.
Making divorce easier for children
The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) recently had its
annual convention in Chicago and came up with this list of parental mistakes made during
the divorce process. In order of frequency, the biggest mistakes parents make during
divorce according to AAML are:
1. Denigrating the other spouse.
2. Using the child as a messenger.
3. Interfering with visitation rights.
4. Sharing intimate details of the other spouse's infidelity, behavior.
5. Failing to pay child support/ adequately supporting the children.
6. Immediately introducing the child to the parent's new love interest.
7. Moving the child as far away as possible from the other parent.
8. Listening to the child's conversations with the other parent.
9. Having the child read all the legal pleadings or having them contact the attorney.
10. Having the child request money from the other spouse.
Michigan Custody Data
The Michigan Chapter of the National Congress for Fathers and Children
(NCFC-MI) has calculated the rates at which fathers are receiving joint physical custody
in all counties across the state. The rate for Berrien County in the years 1991-1995 was a
low of 5% in 1994 and a high of 10% in 1991 with an 8% rate in the other years. Page 5 of
this newsletter is from the Spring 1998 NCFC–MI News Bulletin and discusses how the
data was obtained and also gives some data on other counties.
The Dad Show
The Dad Show, a radio show for dads and anyone who has an interest in
dads is on KAZI 88.7 in Austin, Texas and on the Internet live on Tuesday evening 6 to 7
CST at http://www.dadshow.com. They cover a myriad
of men's issues.
The Non-Custodial Parents Quilt
Symbolically, this collection is similar to a quilt: as individuals, our love for our children is not seen by the world, just as the little pieces of fabric that make up a quilt are relatively insignificant by themselves. Put together, our capacity to give love and warmth becomes more visible to all. The quilt is starting to be assembled at: http://www.betterdivorce.com/quilt/. The work in progress is going to be shown throughout the country in 1999.
Divorced/never married parents are invited to send pictures to:
Quilt, c/o Mission.
27 W 24th St (# 603).
New York, NY 10010
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT:
Serge Prengel, National Coordinator, Non-Custodial Parents’ Quilt
e-mail: serge@betterdivorce.com
Tel. 212-337-3737
The Children's Rights Council (CRC) is a nation-wide, non-profit IRS 501(c)(3) children's rights organization based in Washington, D.C. It can be reached at: 800-787-KIDS
CRC works to strengthen families through education and advocacy. They favor family formation and family preservation, but if families break up, or are never formed, they work to assure a child the frequent and continuing contact with two parents and extended family the child would normally have during a marriage. Their motto is "The Best Parent is Both Parents."
For the child's benefit, CRC favors parenting education before marriage, during marriage, and in the event of separation. They work to demilitarize divorce between parents who are involved into marital disputes, substituting conciliation and mediation for the adversarial process, and providing for comprehensive child support. They also favor school-based programs for children at risk.
What will our activities and focus be next year?
It is time for us to start discussing what we as a group want
activities and commitments to be in the coming year. Bring your ideas to the next meeting.
Quote for the month:
"We must begin this fight where it will eventually be won, in the neighborhoods where
young boys grow up to be fathers but not husbands. The nation's leading social
problem is that too many children live without fathers--nearly 20 million and growing. "
Representative E. Clay Shaw, Jr. (R-FL), the Chairman of the Subcommittee on Human Resources of the Committee on Ways and Means, at a news conference announcing the "Fatherhood Counts Initiative."
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!
FATHERS AND CHILDREN TOGETHER
5233 RIVER ROAD
SODUS, MI 49126