June

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Equal Parents Week
Equal Parents Week will be July 26 to August 1 this year. The national candlelight vigil will be on Wednesday July 28 from 8:30 PM until 10:00. We need to make our final plans at this month’s meeting.

June meeting to be held on the seventeenth
Our June meeting will be held Thursday, June 17, at 7:30 PM at the Stevensville United Methodist Church located at 5506 Ridge Road in Stevensville.

Apply for funds in third round of access grants
The following is reprinted from the Children’s Rights Council newsletter "Speak Out for Children," Spring 1999. The newsletter can be seen online at http://www.vix.com/crc/newsltr/spr99.pdf.
Under the third round of access (visitation) grants scheduled for the summer of 1999, each state will double what it receives, according to David Arnaudo, an officer in the federal office of Child Support Enforcement (OCSE), who oversees the grant process to the states.
Small states each receive only $50,000 for each of the first two years of the grants. But each state will receive at least $100,000 for the third and successive years, according to the 1996 Welfare Reform law, which authorized the grants.
Funding for small states in the third year will go up, while funding for larger states, some of which received $600,000 to $1 million in each of the first two years, will receive less, said Arnaudo.
Non-profit groups are eligible to receive funds from the states, and are urged to contact state officials in charge of the grants. For information on who handles the grants in your states, contact CRC. CRC will help you write a grant proposal if they can.

VAWA sponsored research
The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 gave the National Institute of Justice (NIJ) responsibility for a number of congressionally mandated studies and national evaluations. NIJ is currently seeking applications for grants to perform some of those studies and evaluations. The solicitation material can be seen on the Internet at: http://www.ncjrs.org/fedgrant.htm#sl000357.

Two of the areas of research specified by NIJ are "Custody and Visitation Issues" and "Patriarchal Terrorism."

The paragraph on custody and visitation issues reads:

"The husbands' ancient prerogative of controlling where his wife and children live is still embedded in American culture and continues to influence custody decisions even in cases of domestic violence.[3] Although judges no longer overtly admit that the husband has the right to choose his wife's domicile, the father's status privileges continue to be protected using the rationale of the child's "best interests."[4] In some custody cases involving domestic violence, the court's protection of fathers' access to their children gives violent men the power to prevent their victims from escaping, and to control essential aspects of their lives after divorce or separation.[5] Fear of losing custody of children has been cited as a powerful barrier to battered women's escaping violence.[6] It has also been noted that while some judges may blame battered women for not leaving their abusers, they are punitive towards battered women who flee from the jurisdiction to protect themselves and their children without seeking permission from their abusers or the courts.[7]Another cause for concern is that domestic violence offenders are more likely to abuse their children than non-offenders.[8] Furthermore, in some cases, courts have been found to punish mothers for failing to protect their children from an abuser, while in others, courts refuse to believe mothers who try to protect their children from an abuser.[9] This problem is most severe when sexual abuse of children is alleged. Cases in which courts deprive battered women of custody and visitation after they have made allegations of child sexual abuse against an ex-partner are increasingly coming to the attention of victims' advocacy groups.[10] Although there are resources for educating and informing family court judges on issues involving domestic violence and custody disputes,[11] there are no data showing to what extent judges actually follow these guidelines when making decisions in custody and visitation cases."

The section on Patriarchal Terrorism reads:

"A large unresolved area in domestic violence research relates to the issues of measurement and definition. Discrepancies have been noted between "family conflict" studies on the one hand, and clinical and crime studies on the other. Family conflict studies show equal rates of assaults by men and women, while crime victimization and clinical studies show much higher rates of assault by men.[12] The assertion by some scholars that violence in heterosexual relationships is symmetrical has been challenged by researchers showing that much of women's violence against men consists of "self defense" and "fighting back."[13] Some researchers contend that there may be two forms of intimate partner violence--common couple violence and patriarchal terrorism. The former is thought to consist of occasional outbursts by either the husband or the wife, diminishes overtime, and has a lower probability of producing serious injury. The latter is thought to be part of a systematic pattern of dominance and control; involves male perpetration; and is associated with victim populations that come into contact with law enforcement agencies, hospitals, and shelters.[14] There is currently little empirical evidence validating the existence of these two separate types of intimate partner violence. Such validation would be relevant not only for theoretical reasons but also with regard to the development and implementation of programs that provide services to battered women, and that provide interventions for domestic violence offenders."

The concern for many fathers groups is that the studies and evaluations will be done with a basic one-sided point of view (not unlike this solicitation.) The results could then be used to discredit any legislation proposed to give a father and child more access to each other and used to tear down some of the current access that exists. Are false allegations of abuse ever made? Do only men attempt to dominate and control? If a study looked for control and domination techniques that women use, what would it find? Would the existence of patriarchal terrorism be easier to disprove than prove?

Certainly progress is needed in our understanding of family violence, but the point of view this solicitation material takes may not help our understanding at all. Will this solicitation and the resultant studies that are likely to be done be a valuable addition to our understanding of family violence? Are we putting taxpayer dollars to good use?

An example of how different results can be attained for the same studies (and the impact they can have on public policy) would be the studies conducted on standard of living at the time of divorce beginning in the eighties. Lenore Weitzman found a 73% drop in the standard of living for divorced mothers and their children while fathers she said were rewarded with a 42% higher standard of living. Subsequent studies found a smaller drop and rise for the respective parents but still found the same basic change - that mothers and children suffered a drop in standard of living while fathers enjoyed a higher standard of living.

Sanford Braver later did the same calculations. He took into account tax policy (mothers typically get the income tax deduction for children), fathers’ expenses for their parenting time, mothers’ decrease in expenses while fathers have parenting time and mothers’ tendency to earn a higher income post divorce than pre-divorce. The standard of living came out approximately even.

Which study do you think most influenced current child support formulas?

Notes
3. Bowermaster, Janet M., 1998, Relocation custody disputes involving domestic violence. The University of Kansas Law Review, Vol 46, pp433-463.

4. Siegel, Reva B., 1996, "The rule of love: Wife beating as prerogative and privacy. Yale Law Journal, Vol 105, pp 2117-2119.

5. See Bowermaster supra Note 3 at 450

6. Mahoney, Martha R., 1991, Legal images of battered women: Redefining the issues of separation, Michigan Law Review, Vol 90, pp 1-44.

7. See Bowermaster supra Note 3 at 455.

8. Stark, Evan, & Flitcraft, Anne H., 1988, Women and children at risk: A feminist perspective on child abuse, International Journal of Health Services, Vol 18, pp 97-102.

9. Murphy, Jane C., 1998, Legal images of motherhood: Conflicting definitions from welfare "reform", family, and criminal law. Cornell Law Review, Vol 83, pp 688-766.

10. Rosen, Leora N., & Etlin, Michelle, 1996, The Hostage Child: Sex Abuse Allegations in Custody Disputes. Indiana University Press, Bloomington, Indiana.

11. Keilitz, Susan L (Project Director), 1997, Domestic Violence and Child Custody Disputes: A Resource Handbook for Judges and Court Managers, National Center for State Courts.

12. Johnson, M.P, 1995, Patriarchal Terrorism and Common Couple Violence: Two Forms of Violence Against Women. Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol 57, pp 283-294.

13. De Keseredy, W., Saunders, D., Schwartz, M., & Alvi, S., The meanings and motives for women's use of violence in Canadian college dating relationships: Results from a national survey. Sociological Spectrum, 17, 199-222

14. See Johnson supra.

A Father’s essay
Dear Child,

You’re right, I won't deny that, the DAD you used to know is gone. That DAD was created by God, taught by his parents, recognized by his government, respected by his community. He was expected to make the right choices for you and took pride in his efforts. He used to kiss you good-bye as he left for work and you were still sleeping. That DAD could absorb a bad day at work, just from one of your hugs. That DAD gained his desire to succeed from glancing at you, as you slept. That DAD slept better after he got a kiss goodnight from you. That DAD knew the aches and pains were worth it, for he knew he was meant to be a DAD. That DAD knew what you were doing every minute of the day and was proud of everything you accomplished and was proud even when you failed. He was always there when you needed him, even when you didn't. Teachers, coaches, doctors and neighbors would seek him out to tell of your progress, setbacks, and accomplishments or just to talk about parent things. That DAD was there for you, because we were together. That DAD had the freedom to pack UP you and your siblings and go fishing, camping, swimming, whenever we felt like it. That DAD didn't have to wonder, he knew. He could help you with your homework, any night, and it showed in your success. That DAD is no more.

Yes, I'm still your Father, but no longer your DAD. Now I'm just a check, a visitor - a Non-Custodial dad. Created by the state, separated by court orders, not free to make choices for your childhood. No longer contacted by those who teach you, who fix your wounds or view your accomplishments. Until you told me, I didn't even know you had surgery. This NCdad no longer has his source of strength, no longer can comfort in your presence, for you're not here. This NCdad cannot chose how to support you, cannot make the decisions of what you may need and cannot even make suggestions. Your goodnight kisses were worth a million dollars [and still are] and the loss of those are equally devastating. This NCdad can't steal precious moments with you, cannot share quick insights with you and cannot give you the answers you seek every day.

Inside I'm still the same, but like a chameleon who changes his color when faced with evil, I too had to adapt. We all have to adapt to our world. The DAD you used to know could not survive the changes forced upon him, he had to change to survive. He's gone and the pain is yours more than his. But, your Father still, and always, loves you, and will always take pride in your successes and try to be there for you when you stumble. I do the best I can, but even my best cannot revive the DAD you used to know, for he is not buried, he has adapted to a divorce.

Love,
Dad

Child Support Bill approved in California
The California State Assembly has approved a bill that sets up a new state agency to collect child support payments. The bill by Democratic Assemblywoman Sheila Kuehl (KYOOL) removes that authority from district attorneys throughout California. A similar bill recently won approval in the State Senate. This legislation is an attempt to do a better job at collecting child.

Mothers Without Custody on Internet
Mothers Without Custody (MW/OC) is now on the Internet at: http://www.motherswithoutcustody.org. MW/OC is also an affiliate of the Children’s Rights Council.

Page 5 is "Family Facts"
Page 5 of the newsletter is "Family Facts" reprinted from the Children’s Rights Council newsletter "Speak Out for Children," Spring 1999.

Quote for the month:
"The best parent is both parents"

This is the slogan of The Children’s Rights Council.




FATHERS AND CHILDREN TOGETHER
5233 RIVER ROAD
SODUS, MI 49126