That fact is that domestic violence in intimate relationships is as likely to be initiated by a female as a male. She cited the National Family Violence Survey (NFVS) as her source for this information but there may not be much local knowledge about the particulars of this research.

Anybody who wants to learn more about the NFVS could get a copy of the book Intimate Violence in Families by Richard J. Gelles. Gelles was one of the researchers who performed the NFVS, which was first performed in 1975 and later repeated in the eighties. In addition to the NFVS Gelles cites several other sources with similar findings.

One of the findings of the research Gelles and his colleagues have done over the years is that the female is 7 to 10 times more likely to be injured if a male initiates violence in an intimate relationship. If the female initiates the violence, the female is still 7 to 10 times more likely to be injured.

Parker went on to say that the perceptions about family violence pose serious and far reaching cultural and policy repercussions. It sure felt good to hear that for those of our group that believe that perceptions about family violence have led to a criminal justice system in Berrien County that treats men and women very differently, which is a hazard for families.

The physical environment within the Berrien County courthouse largely contributes to the court environment that exists. Nothing present would indicate that a wife is as likely to assault her husband as he is to assault her – all posters and etc. relating to domestic violence allow the viewer to hold the belief that it is perpetrated by men and women are their victims. This environment allows police, prosecutors and judges to hold inaccurate beliefs, but also allows for the tainting of potential jurors and the public as a whole.

This article is not meant to minimize the impact domestic violence has on women. We have to acknowledge that where men control financial resources and have physical advantages over their partners there is great need for public attention and resources in matters of domestic violence. However, we also have to hold our firm ground that the current criminal justice system holds a double standard and we are not alone in our belief of that as last month’s newsletter demonstrated.

The program was initiated by Orlando Circuit Judge James Hauser with a grant from the Florida Bar Foundation and was called Focus on the Children. This is how it works:

Families split into three groups. Group A is composed of Mom and seven other divorcing men and women; Group B is composed of Dad and seven others; Group C is composed of children of divorcing parents. Groups A and B meet weekly with psychologists and social workers for eight weeks.

For the first few sessions, adults in Groups A and B learn to negotiate with members of the opposite sex, though not with their spouses. Later the groups come together, and warring spouses begin negotiating with each other. Children meet only the first week to express to counselors how it affects them to witness fighting between the two people they love most.

One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz" and he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouth Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes."

The time management expert replied, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"

By this time the class was on to him.

"Probably not," one of them answered.

"Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted.

Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"

"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life, time with your loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.

One has to wonder whether the current system spends more time on folks that pay child support rather than those that don’t with all of the bureaucratic complexity of it. How many people who should pay simply ignore a court order to inform FOC where they are working? How much time is spent on people who would pay anyway (if they were simply paying directly to the custodial parent) just to end up making mistakes that take more time to correct?

It is time for our group to begin putting more time into how our event will come together and other aspects such as promoting it.

The following is the Joint Statement for participants in the Children’s Rights Council’s (CRC’s) Equal Parents Week Vigil:

We recognize that there are serious breakdowns in our justice system which have adversely affected unmarried parents and their children for decades. Some of the most fundamental and prevalent of these breakdowns are: failure of courts to thoroughly and objectively scrutinize custody issues, resulting in custody determinations which are detrimental to children; lack of court intervention to eliminate and prevent obstruction of co-parenting of and access to children; legislation and enforcement of child support laws which result in failure to require some parents to support their children, while requiring other parents to pay levels of child support which are unaffordable. These and related problems originate from a misperception which prevails throughout society and our justice system: unmarried parents are not given equal status as parents.

These are not partisan or political issues. We advocate equity and equality of umarried parents in furtherance of a genuine focus on the needs and rights of children and in recognition of this fundamental truth: issues that adversely affect a parent's ability to raise and nurture their children adversely affect children. Society's perception of unmarried parents and their roles must change to realize the needs of children cannot be fully and adequately met unless unmarried parents share equal rights and responsibility in raising their children. We promote the right of children to continue to receive the same access to both parents that is acknowledged and sanctioned in families with married parents, recognizing that a divorced family is still a family, and that family values often cannot survive when broken families disintegrate from the loss of a parent and perpetuation of parental irresponsibility and abuse.

There are numerous and complex issues which are generated by these breakdowns in our justice system. While each organization joining in this event focuses on certain issues, our focuses address a common objective: eliminating barriers and inequities in our justice system which deprive unmarried parents and their children of the civil rights that protect them individually and their right to exist and function as a family.

The goal of this important event is to gain public recognition of these urgent social issues, gain public support for critically needed reform, and, most importantly, to call attention to the reason why our system must be reformed: our love for our children, and the desperate need of our children to have both parents meaningfully involved in their lives.

This quote is taken from the U.S. Census Bureau Press Release announcing the new child support data released April 23^rd titled Child Support for Custodial Mothers and Fathers: 1995. The number on this report is P60-196. The press release can be seen on the Internet at:

http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/1999/cb99-77.html.